What are the consequences of global warming on the Chocolate situation world-wide? Will all the Chocolate melt eventually? We were trying to find answers to these questions and have discovered one of the biggest conspiracies of all times.
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It is hard to believe, but it’s true! After more almost 50 years of relentless search the 1950s have been found!
Not many of you will remember. It was around 1960, when the 1950s went missing and the world was at a total loss about it. Newspapers were full of reports and theories, until after several weeks other news items took over in people’s minds, and the 1950s were forgotten.
But the case of the missing 1950s was never solved. Until recently the Chocolatey Mistress herself revealed the truth to me. The 1950s are in Sri Lanka! Yes, you got that right: Sri Lanka. We don’t know if they went there voluntarily or were forced - possibly even kidnapped. Anyhow, it looks like they have settled well there. Joined by friends now and then (1940s and 1960s when they find the time).
We thank the Chocolatey Mistress for letting us know the solution to this long standing puzzle.
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...We have just received news from a trusted source, that the German national football team lost last night’s UEFA Euro 2008 final not because of a lack of talent or ability. Instead it was a terrible messup at one of the team’s food providers.
(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Chocolate Cake Church is proud and happy to announce, that the Board of Priests has decided to give the title of “Honorary Choccolyte” post mortem to the sorely missed George Carlin.
The board explains its decision like this:
George Carlin was one of the great political standup comedians. He has earned the title of Honorary Choccolyte for reinstating the world’s faith in the existance of intelligent life in the United States of America.
(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Hmm I wondered. Who is this Heinz, and why is he making gay mayo? Or is he making mayo gay? And how do you tell if mayo is homo or heterosexual. I never paid attention in the shop. Does that mean that I accidentally brought home sexually incompatible mayo? And if you mix mayo and ketchup, do they have to have the same sexual orientation to go together?
Questions and more questions. This is one of many reasons why faith in Chocolate Cake can bring balance and serenity back into your life. Chocolate Cake is just Chocolate Cake. It is asexual - for most people anyway - it is delicious, and Heinz does not make it in either gay or hetero flavour.
Chocolate Cake is the ultimate perfection, it is the refuge for troubled times like these. Go ahead and empty your fridge. Get rid off all the mayo, ketchup, and whatnots in there. Fill it up with Chocolate Cake, and let yourself get carried away eating it.
The Chocolatey Mistress wants you! (in case you are a horny teenager and thus understand this and everything else in a sexual way: the Chocolatey Mistress will appear as whatever sex and orientation suits you)
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...I want to share a little story with you, that is part of the Tales of Wisdom collection passed down to us by the Chocolatey Mistress:
Once upon a time, there was a little village called Mai Secuel (in some parts of the country it was called “Mai Es Cue El”). It was a buzzing little place, because the inhabitants provided services to other towns, that no-one else could offer to anyone but kings. They filed papers in enormous warehouses, and even found them again when requested. Being generous and good people at heart, they did it even for free.
So Mai Secuel prospered, and grew. And grew. And grew. And more and more people from all over the country came to Mai Secuel, to have their data stored there. And it could have been a true success story, if not…
(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Many people say Chocolate Cake and sports do not go well together. We think the UEFA Euro 2008 Football Championship is as good an opportunity as any to erase this myth, and explain how Chocolate Cake will decide who is bringing the Cup home.
(2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5) Loading ...One of our regular church goers showed me this post about Chocolate as a Teaching Tool
I have discussed this with other priests, and we agreed that the Chocolatey Mistress would be strongly against commercializing Chocolate or Chocolate Cake in order to influence children.
Obviously this is not more than a blunt and transparent marketing scheme to create a very early brand loyalty to Hershey chocolate bars. We think this is unethical and should be stopped.
Leave Chocolate in the cake and the cake in the church, where it belongs.
(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...I am saddened to have to break these news to you, but we have received this report from one of our brethren in Germany. It is sad, it is shocking, it should not be happening in this day and age. There have been Chocolate Cake raids and riots in the streets. Read our eye witness report and decide for yourself. Read More »
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