This is a deep and philosophical question. If Jesus Christ and The Church of The Latter Day Saints (Mother Theresa, anyone?) is so great, why did they take a huge slot on Technorati, advertising their church?
Surely all they need is something good and chocolatey to bite into?
If a church is good, why does it need to advertise?
And why do it on Technorati? Read More »
(8 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5)
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Do you say that sometimes? “I hate life”? Recently we received such a statement from a member of the community. They wanted to know, and I quote:
“Where the hell is the motherfucker who sold me this shit, I want to return it and exchange it for something else!”
(2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5) Loading ...Chocolate Cake Church is proud and happy to announce, that the Board of Priests has decided to give the title of “Honorary Choccolyte” post mortem to the sorely missed George Carlin.
The board explains its decision like this:
George Carlin was one of the great political standup comedians. He has earned the title of Honorary Choccolyte for reinstating the world’s faith in the existance of intelligent life in the United States of America.
(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Oh my children, what a concept. What harsh words, what a jealous deity that must be. Graven images, Golden Calves, Temples of Baal and all the hideous trappings of a fierce faith and a belief in a vengeful and evil deity; what awfulness awaits those who worship at such an altar.
The Chocolatey Mistress is not such a creature. She is made of kindness, of softness, and yes, in 75% and above chocolate she is made of a sweet rich bitterness, too But she is not vengeful. Read More »
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...A supplicant’s question on this matter was put to the Grand Synod. Their response was simple. This is not a matter for the Grand Synod!
There is a style of Chocolate Cake, known as Chocolate Blobble Cake, which is served hot, with cream. It has an additional coffee based sauce, poured on top of the cake mixture before baking. The cake rises through the sauce, absorbing some, and leaving the cake moist and exceedingly good.
Such cake may be served hot. The cream may be whipped or pouring consistency. It is a good and fit prayer to offer up.
(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...It seems odd that one of the main religions on Earth has a literal ‘Movable Feast’ where chocolate is consumed in huge quantities, but Chocolate Cake is not mentioned.
I was discussing this at length with High Priest Theo Broma, and we came to no fixed conclusion. We partook of Cake and considered this.
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Attributed variously to Marie Antoinette, Maria Theresa of Spain, and Jean Jacques Rousseau, this exhortation hurts. It brings into supposed disrepute all purveyors of cakey bakey goodness. Our Church has a view on this.
While Chocolate Cake is a fine food it is a food fit for the worship of The Chocolatey Mistress. It is not a staple food, nor a food to be taken lightly, for it is written “By your cake shall they know you.” Not just “by your cake, but by your words and deeds with cake, for cake is not simply a comestible but an offering of spirit.
It is important, therefore, to understand that, in the context here, saying “Let them eat cake” is a call to the faithful to bake and worship, and is not at all the oddly misunderstood throwaway line squandered so unwisely in days of yore.
Not just “Let them eat cake,” but “Let US eat cake!”
(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5) Loading ...The priesthood gathered today at an emergency Baking to see and consider cake jewels - Edible cake jewels.
Writings in the ancient tablets show that “adding Bling to your Cake” (though the word ‘bling’ is a recent invention) is not unacceptable, though should be confined to special celebration cakes.
(3 votes, average: 4.33 out of 5) Loading ...The Grand Synod has reached no particular conclusion on the great debate between offering a cake as a “church cake” or offering the cake individually to those who follow the true thoughts passed to us by the Chocolatey Mistress. Perhaps the best answer is one for individual supplicants.
It is advised that Chocolate Cake be brought into as many lives as possible, and that cake is always for sharing:
“Let not a cake be baked that is not fit for sharing and that is not offered to friends and neighbours, for they who bake and do not share shall be struck with obesity!”
Thus it is written on the ancient Tablets.
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...There has been some confusion about the spelling of “Chocolatey Mistress”. Some of our members believe it should be “Chocolaty” or even “Choclaty”. So, which is the correct spelling, and what are the global consequences of misspelling Her name? Read More »
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