Chocolate Cake Church

Oh my children, what a concept. What harsh words, what a jealous deity that must be. Graven images, Golden Calves, Temples of Baal and all the hideous trappings of a fierce faith and a belief in a vengeful and evil deity; what awfulness awaits those who worship at such an altar.

The Chocolatey Mistress is not such a creature. She is made of kindness, of softness, and yes, in 75% and above chocolate she is made of a sweet rich bitterness, too But she is not vengeful. Read More »

(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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We are not attempting to mingle science and religion here. Well, at least not much. It’s more a bit of tidbit information on two statements that are famous for Einstein, but which he got slightly wrong because he couldn’t know better. So let us tell you what Einstein - and you - did not know.

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(3 votes, average: 4.67 out of 5)

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We may not be the most modern church, but we are not out of this world. Some of our priests and many people from our community are avid World of Warcraft fans and play it relentlessly … usually while enjoying a piece of Chocolate Cake and enjoying the time they saved by not having to go to church.

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(9 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

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“And yet the sweetness dragged me in and beguiled me.” And again “And yet the sweetness dragged me in and beguiled me.” Those are the words I want you to consider. They are the subject for today.

And that, as Chapter three of Heston Blumenthal’s Great Cakes of the World’ has said, could so easily be that, were it not for the chocolate in the icing.

Like you, I have cried “Enough! Enough for I am sated! Speak of these things no more, for all will be lost should you continue!” And, like you, I was lost, and am now found, and now worship at the feet of The Chocolatey Mistress.

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(2 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5)

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Hot, as one might say, on the heels of the news of the cake burning in Germany, we look at Austria, its smaller and once annexed neighbour for what many see as the ultimate devotion. “How,” they ask, “can any other cake, any other Torte, offer so much to The Chocolatey Mistress? How?” And they bow their heads in silent contemplation of the rich chocolatiness, the apricot tartness, and they wonder.

I have been privileged to partake of Cake at the Hotel Sacher itself. Were The Chocolate Church to have buildings in which to worship, this would be a shrine! And eating the glorious Torte in the premises where it was conceived… Deep joy.

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(3 votes, average: 4 out of 5)

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It has come to our attention that Chocolate pornography on the internet is increasing every day, and people start asking questions about that. We think reason enough to discuss some important moral questions. Is Chocolate porn perverted? Is it endorsed or forbidden by the Chocolatey Mistress? Let’s settle this important question once and for all.

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(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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I am saddened to have to break these news to you, but we have received this report from one of our brethren in Germany. It is sad, it is shocking, it should not be happening in this day and age. There have been Chocolate Cake raids and riots in the streets. Read our eye witness report and decide for yourself. Read More »

(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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Can there be words expressing better the feelings that all true believers in Chocolate Cake bear deep in their hearts? I do not think so. And all the more am I moved that this exciting statement does not come from a Chocolate Cake disciple, but a group of young musicians. Read More »

(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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A supplicant’s question on this matter was put to the Grand Synod. Their response was simple. This is not a matter for the Grand Synod!

There is a style of Chocolate Cake, known as Chocolate Blobble Cake, which is served hot, with cream. It has an additional coffee based sauce, poured on top of the cake mixture before baking. The cake rises through the sauce, absorbing some, and leaving the cake moist and exceedingly good.

Such cake may be served hot. The cream may be whipped or pouring consistency. It is a good and fit prayer to offer up.

(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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It seems odd that one of the main religions on Earth has a literal ‘Movable Feast’ where chocolate is consumed in huge quantities, but Chocolate Cake is not mentioned.

I was discussing this at length with High Priest Theo Broma, and we came to no fixed conclusion. We partook of Cake and considered this.

• Easter appears to be derived from a Cake ingredient - the Egg. This must be so because chocolate eggs are given, received and hunted for.
• There is a non-sequitur, in that the Easter Bunny appears to lay chocolate eggs. It is believed that this is a fertility symbol.

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(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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