Chocolate Cake Church

Of course God does not refer to the Chocolatey Mistress in this context. She is one heck of a sweet and smart godess. It’s more about all the other so called gods out there.

Have you ever run into a Christian preacher who tries to put their faith down your throat in the most blunt and stupid manner? As if you had never heard it before, and them telling you in as many words as possible will make all the difference. Because they opened their mouth and forgot to close it in time you will renounce your intelligence, your common sense, your Chocolate Cake. Because they spoke you will become a mindless follower? Yea right!

If you are in danger of believing such people, keep this in mind: allegedly their god made men in his image. Do you really want to believe in a superior being controlling your life that is on the same intellectual level as those preachers? A divine dork? A double-D? Yes, I thought not.

Have a piece of Chocolatey Chocolate Cake instead! … For your interest: the Chocolatey Mistress does not frown upon proper application of Chocolate Cake in annoying preachers’ faces. Isn’t our way of conversion just so much more fun?!

(7 votes, average: 3.86 out of 5)

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This is a deep and philosophical question. If Jesus Christ and The Church of The Latter Day Saints (Mother Theresa, anyone?) is so great, why did they take a huge slot on Technorati, advertising their church?

Surely all they need is something good and chocolatey to bite into?

If a church is good, why does it need to advertise?

And why do it on Technorati? Read More »

(8 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5)

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GOD YES! She does! And what a huge beast it is. You’d have tears coming down your cheeks from just seeing it! What kind of deity would She be if She didn’t have this absolutely necessary and often used tool?!

Let’s face it: in today’s market for worshippers you just can’t win against your competition with “I’m good, believe in me”. You need a spectacular show. You need wonders. You need unbelievable acts. And not even a deity can pull all those out of their hat without a proper Deus Ex Machina.

Read More »

(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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This is a question, that is nearly impossible to answer. It may be that life isn’t sucking hard enough, or not passionately enough. Or it’s sucking too hard and you don’t feel comfortable. It may also be that you are suffering from erectile disfunction. Or perhaps you simply aren’t sexually attracted by life.

Regrettably we cannot help you with any of these problems, but we can assure you that Chocolate Cake is a complete and very satisfactory surrogate. You can have a Cake whenever you want, and it may even be better than sex would ever have been.

Just tell life where it can go and indulge yourself in a Chocolatey Chocolate Cake, praising the Chocolatey Mistress and en passant setting a new world record for the most “Chocolate”s in one sentence, like I just did.

(6 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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