Chocolate Cake Church

Of course true Turkish Delight is flavoured with rose water, but we have been honoured, or will be when a kind soul translates it, to see The Chocolatey Mistress on Oyunzeger Online. The post there says, in Turkish:

Ama ben henüz fanatikçe kendi dinimi yücelterek başka dinleri ezememiştim. Kendi ilahi varlığımın gerçekliğini kanıtlayamamıştım. En ilahi din benimki diye propaganda yapmamıştım. Benim dinime hakaret ediyosun sen! falan diye gaza gelememiştim Sad

Neyse siz tartışırsanız ben yine etrafta olacağım. Chocolate Cake Church’e katılmayı planlıyorum. Chocolatey Mistress’in ne kadar über bir varlık olduğunu yeni yeni kavramaya başladım. Eğer kavga ederseniz gelirim ben yine

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A supplicant’s question on this matter was put to the Grand Synod. Their response was simple. This is not a matter for the Grand Synod!

There is a style of Chocolate Cake, known as Chocolate Blobble Cake, which is served hot, with cream. It has an additional coffee based sauce, poured on top of the cake mixture before baking. The cake rises through the sauce, absorbing some, and leaving the cake moist and exceedingly good.

Such cake may be served hot. The cream may be whipped or pouring consistency. It is a good and fit prayer to offer up.

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It seems odd that one of the main religions on Earth has a literal ‘Movable Feast’ where chocolate is consumed in huge quantities, but Chocolate Cake is not mentioned.

I was discussing this at length with High Priest Theo Broma, and we came to no fixed conclusion. We partook of Cake and considered this.

• Easter appears to be derived from a Cake ingredient - the Egg. This must be so because chocolate eggs are given, received and hunted for.
• There is a non-sequitur, in that the Easter Bunny appears to lay chocolate eggs. It is believed that this is a fertility symbol.

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Attributed variously to Marie Antoinette, Maria Theresa of Spain, and Jean Jacques Rousseau, this exhortation hurts. It brings into supposed disrepute all purveyors of cakey bakey goodness. Our Church has a view on this.

While Chocolate Cake is a fine food it is a food fit for the worship of The Chocolatey Mistress. It is not a staple food, nor a food to be taken lightly, for it is written “By your cake shall they know you.” Not just “by your cake, but by your words and deeds with cake, for cake is not simply a comestible but an offering of spirit.

It is important, therefore, to understand that, in the context here, saying “Let them eat cake” is a call to the faithful to bake and worship, and is not at all the oddly misunderstood throwaway line squandered so unwisely in days of yore.

Not just “Let them eat cake,” but “Let US eat cake!”

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It came to pass on the second day, for on the second day the Chocolate Cake had matured and was at its peak of perfection, that the Chocolatey Mistress appeared as a vision in the cake. As the vision, perhaps influenced by the fine rum with which the cake had been infused, she uttered some of the many tenets of Cakey Bakey Goodness.

It is those tenets that form the basis of the Grand Baking, and those tenets which must be upheld. Of these, the greatest is: Read More »

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The priesthood gathered today at an emergency Baking to see and consider cake jewels - Edible cake jewels.

Writings in the ancient tablets show that “adding Bling to your Cake” (though the word ‘bling’ is a recent invention) is not unacceptable, though should be confined to special celebration cakes.

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The Grand Synod has reached no particular conclusion on the great debate between offering a cake as a “church cake” or offering the cake individually to those who follow the true thoughts passed to us by the Chocolatey Mistress. Perhaps the best answer is one for individual supplicants.

It is advised that Chocolate Cake be brought into as many lives as possible, and that cake is always for sharing:

“Let not a cake be baked that is not fit for sharing and that is not offered to friends and neighbours, for they who bake and do not share shall be struck with obesity!”

Thus it is written on the ancient Tablets.

(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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We all know the tell-tale beginning of a good joke: “American scientists have found out…”. But sometimes the joke turns out to be rather bizarre. One of those is the claim that Chocolate Cake is addictive: Reuters: Chocolate cake addiction: it’s real

What the researchers do not take into account is that they witnessed the power of the Chocolatey Mistress Herself. We believers all know how hard it is to resist a piece of Cake when we see or smell it. And our faith reassures us that is right to follow those urges and just have that Cake. But we know it is a spiritual moment, and not an addiction.

At least our church’s legal department is certain that our rights to religious freedom will allow us to have Chocolate Cake, even long after it has been blacklisted as illegal substance.

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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