“I hate life”

Do you say that sometimes? “I hate life”? Recently we received such a statement from a member of the community. They wanted to know, and I quote:

“Where the hell is the motherfucker who sold me this shit, I want to return it and exchange it for something else!”

A few paragraphs further down, the argument becomes even more elaborate:

“I am meant to have a great life, not this piece of junk. I won the sperm race against millions of others on my first day on the job, yet my trophy is THIS?!?”

We can only agree wholeheartedly. Life - especially if it is made miserable by believing in one of those really nasty and vindictive religions - can be a real pain in the arse. Yes! IN … THE … ARSE! However the Chocolatey Mistress does not do carte blanche exchange of products or services. So you can’t just complain and expect to be given something better.

But do not despair, for there is hope! The Chocolatey Mistress’ divine marketing department in all its wisdom and glory had this really great idea to enhance user satisfaction by enabling very loyal customers … forgive me, worshippers … to exchange their life for a new one.

All you need to do is to get 2520 stamps on your CCC loyality card within one year. You get one stamp per eaten Chocolate Cake. The transaction will be covered up as a “Chocolate Cake Overdose” to not cause envy among the survivors, but you can bet that you will be thrown right back into your second life. And guess what, it’s not even virtual.