Heinz makes Gay Mayo

Hmm I wondered. Who is this Heinz, and why is he making gay mayo? Or is he making mayo gay? And how do you tell if mayo is homo or heterosexual. I never paid attention in the shop. Does that mean that I accidentally brought home sexually incompatible mayo? And if you mix mayo and ketchup, do they have to have the same sexual orientation to go together?

Questions and more questions. This is one of many reasons why faith in Chocolate Cake can bring balance and serenity back into your life. Chocolate Cake is just Chocolate Cake. It is asexual - for most people anyway - it is delicious, and Heinz does not make it in either gay or hetero flavour.

Chocolate Cake is the ultimate perfection, it is the refuge for troubled times like these. Go ahead and empty your fridge. Get rid off all the mayo, ketchup, and whatnots in there. Fill it up with Chocolate Cake, and let yourself get carried away eating it.

The Chocolatey Mistress wants you! (in case you are a horny teenager and thus understand this and everything else in a sexual way: the Chocolatey Mistress will appear as whatever sex and orientation suits you)