Chocolate Cake Church

Founding of Chocolate Cake Church

It is a glorious day, today. Because from this day forth, the world will be a better world. The reason is, that the one and only true church has finally been founded: Chocolate Cake Church.

I am the High Priest, and I and my fellow brethren have taken our - the one and only true - faith to the next level. We felt ready to spread the word, and let the world have part in this wonderful experience. We believe in Chocolate Cake, and the Chocolatey Mistress. (Which are the same, yet not quite. Please just bear with us here, we are sure we are right even if it makes no sense to the beginning believer.)

Chocolate Cake will save the world, so start believing today!

The initiation ritual is as simple as possible: have an initiation brownie and respect our rules:

1. It is a sin to reject Chocolate Cake.
2. There is no rule #2. Have fun, be yourself, and spread the word about Chocolate Cake and the Chocolatey Mistress.
3. Not a rule #3 either.
4. Really, you can quit reading now because there aren’t any others.
5. Nope!
6. Nada!
7. Oh, come on…
8. You are quite the persistent one, aren’t you?
9. Ok, ok. If you absolutely need to have more rules you may not be ready to be saved by the Chocolatey Mistress. We can recommend some excellent rule-obsessed religions, which may well be more suiting for you. Christianity for example can offer you a broad spectrum of rules, just find the right branch. But don’t come complaining when they forbid you to eat Chocolate Cake - they don’t do well with accepting other religions next to their own, you see.

So let us all be happy and worship the Chocolatey Mistress, rejoicing in doing so.

On this website, we will bit by bit introduce you to our faith, and teach you what to do and not to do. We will discuss important matters from the viewpoint of the Chocolatey Mistress. Stay tuned, and we promise you salvation for your next life. (Sorry, no refunds or complaints before passing that final threshold.)

(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5)

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6 Responses to “Founding of Chocolate Cake Church”

1. May I convert? Says:
   May 25th, 2008 at 5:20 pm

   Please help me. I am unworthy to be accepted by so many churches and I crave Chocolate Cake. I do not wish to join this church if it is but a fad and a fancy.

   I am considered a sinner by the Westboro Baptist Church and Fred Phelps and his like because I am not pure chocolate, but because I have a swirl of cream running through me. I am unwanted by Roman Catholics, despised by Islam, and persecuted by so many.

   I am not heterosexual.

   I need to understand the Chocolate Cake Church’s attitude to we gay folk, we adherents of fancier cake, we who crave the same gender.

   Help me understand, please

2. High Priest Says:
   May 25th, 2008 at 5:30 pm

   We welcome everyone, without regard to race or sexual orientation. As you say you crave Chocolate Cake: this is your calling, your inner voice telling you what the right path is. Many of us have been trained to ignore that calling and live unhappily. Trust your inner voice, and become a gay worshipper of Chocolate Cake.

   I will dedicate a post to this topic later, as it is important for people to understand.

3. May I convert? Says:
   May 25th, 2008 at 8:22 pm

   I will take your advice. I may be ready. But how will a diabetic take communion?

4. High Priest Says:
   May 25th, 2008 at 8:58 pm

   Ah yes, diabetes, the bane of our faith. The answer to this is complex, but be assured that it is not a hinderance.

5. Michael Sargeant Says:
   May 28th, 2008 at 4:14 pm

   I submitted a comment two days ago. It showed as pending approval. It has not been posted.
   I perceive that your site is a parody. In not posting my comment you display the same extreme intolerance toward critisism that any church displays. This subtly may be lost upon some who make unacceptable posts. If it is your intent to punish non-believers, you might wish to let them know they are being punished in order to illustrate your perceived intent of creating a poke-fun parody.

6. Theo Broma, High Priest Says:
   May 28th, 2008 at 4:34 pm

   Michael Sargeant: If you are referring to http://www.chocolatecakechurch.org/2008/05/26/church-embraces-straight-and-gay-people/#comment-13, it was approved the same day, and has been publically visible since.

   We do not think this is reason to belittle our faith, however we have suffered such hardships before, and accept it with patience.

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