What are the consequences of global warming on the Chocolate situation world-wide? Will all the Chocolate melt eventually? We were trying to find answers to these questions and have discovered one of the biggest conspiracies of all times.
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It is hard to believe, but it’s true! After more almost 50 years of relentless search the 1950s have been found!
Not many of you will remember. It was around 1960, when the 1950s went missing and the world was at a total loss about it. Newspapers were full of reports and theories, until after several weeks other news items took over in people’s minds, and the 1950s were forgotten.
But the case of the missing 1950s was never solved. Until recently the Chocolatey Mistress herself revealed the truth to me. The 1950s are in Sri Lanka! Yes, you got that right: Sri Lanka. We don’t know if they went there voluntarily or were forced - possibly even kidnapped. Anyhow, it looks like they have settled well there. Joined by friends now and then (1940s and 1960s when they find the time).
We thank the Chocolatey Mistress for letting us know the solution to this long standing puzzle.
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Ah, the Queen of parodies. I see a little silhouette of a cake.
But to the point. And at once. For my theme is parodies, and I warm to it.
Consider the cake on your plate, and look at it. And wonder. For this cake, if cake it is, may not be the real cake, the true cake, the one true cake. It may be, but it also may not. And in not being, therein lies the paradox.
When you study this cake, noting the pureness, the chocolatiness, the overall dusting of icing sugar upon the dark chocolate icing, are you not aware that this may be the work of the Anti-Choc?
(2 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Of course God does not refer to the Chocolatey Mistress in this context. She is one heck of a sweet and smart godess. It’s more about all the other so called gods out there.
Have you ever run into a Christian preacher who tries to put their faith down your throat in the most blunt and stupid manner? As if you had never heard it before, and them telling you in as many words as possible will make all the difference. Because they opened their mouth and forgot to close it in time you will renounce your intelligence, your common sense, your Chocolate Cake. Because they spoke you will become a mindless follower? Yea right!
If you are in danger of believing such people, keep this in mind: allegedly their god made men in his image. Do you really want to believe in a superior being controlling your life that is on the same intellectual level as those preachers? A divine dork? A double-D? Yes, I thought not.
Have a piece of Chocolatey Chocolate Cake instead! … For your interest: the Chocolatey Mistress does not frown upon proper application of Chocolate Cake in annoying preachers’ faces. Isn’t our way of conversion just so much more fun?!
(7 votes, average: 3.86 out of 5) Loading ...This is a deep and philosophical question. If Jesus Christ and The Church of The Latter Day Saints (Mother Theresa, anyone?) is so great, why did they take a huge slot on Technorati, advertising their church?
Surely all they need is something good and chocolatey to bite into?
If a church is good, why does it need to advertise?
And why do it on Technorati? Read More »
(8 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5) Loading ...GOD YES! She does! And what a huge beast it is. You’d have tears coming down your cheeks from just seeing it! What kind of deity would She be if She didn’t have this absolutely necessary and often used tool?!
Let’s face it: in today’s market for worshippers you just can’t win against your competition with “I’m good, believe in me”. You need a spectacular show. You need wonders. You need unbelievable acts. And not even a deity can pull all those out of their hat without a proper Deus Ex Machina.
(3 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...This is a question, that is nearly impossible to answer. It may be that life isn’t sucking hard enough, or not passionately enough. Or it’s sucking too hard and you don’t feel comfortable. It may also be that you are suffering from erectile disfunction. Or perhaps you simply aren’t sexually attracted by life.
Regrettably we cannot help you with any of these problems, but we can assure you that Chocolate Cake is a complete and very satisfactory surrogate. You can have a Cake whenever you want, and it may even be better than sex would ever have been.
Just tell life where it can go and indulge yourself in a Chocolatey Chocolate Cake, praising the Chocolatey Mistress and en passant setting a new world record for the most “Chocolate”s in one sentence, like I just did.
(6 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...We have just received news from a trusted source, that the German national football team lost last night’s UEFA Euro 2008 final not because of a lack of talent or ability. Instead it was a terrible messup at one of the team’s food providers.
(4 votes, average: 5 out of 5) Loading ...Do you say that sometimes? “I hate life”? Recently we received such a statement from a member of the community. They wanted to know, and I quote:
“Where the hell is the motherfucker who sold me this shit, I want to return it and exchange it for something else!”
(2 votes, average: 4.5 out of 5) Loading ...Chocolate Cake Church is proud and happy to announce, that the Board of Priests has decided to give the title of “Honorary Choccolyte” post mortem to the sorely missed George Carlin.
The board explains its decision like this:
George Carlin was one of the great political standup comedians. He has earned the title of Honorary Choccolyte for reinstating the world’s faith in the existance of intelligent life in the United States of America.
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